Yesterday in my sleep, in my linen sheets and lumpy pillows I made such fine metaphors. I smiled with my arms above me tracing my mosquito net. In my dream we were playing kickball, in my dream we ate oranges with all our friends and he came up behind me and kissed my ear in front of everybody. Kickball was fun but I woke up so tired.
Africa is still Africa. Yesterday I got a dress made in the market and dropped my doughnut in the dirt watching a cluster of men take photos of a boda accident in the roundabout. "Letapos;s walk home," says Kelsey, whoapos;s eying the accident with apprehension. We walked there in the rain, we walked home in the sunshine.
I came home and read essays on my computer. This quote I liked best:
Sometimes it feels like relationships are these movies I somehow manage to sneak into, but two-thirds of the way into the show the usher comes around with his flashlight and I get busted and tossed out. The worst part is that before the management heaves me through the fire exit, they empty my pockets of every last penny I have. And maybe here is the only good part of any of this: and that is, dear Clarissa, the realization that whether I pay up front or on the way out, or even if I have to ante up both entering and exiting the theater lobby; even with the tax and surcharge and sticky floor and lousy seats; whatever the price, I keep doing it, you know, because I really would like to see one of these things all the way through to one of those happy endings Iapos;ve heard so much about.
- Dennis
Nothing feels all that scary anymore. I know things are scary, but I feel capable of almost anything right now. Or at least adjusting to any condition. I keep my eyes out, my heart up, and my mind clear. Actually the only thing Iapos;m scared of is missing the story, missing the scene. I mean I think ahead to the transition home and yes it may be strange and difficult, but that doesnapos;t mean I have to get fearful or fall apart. Iapos;m kinda sick of that, but itapos;s a bad habit. Your mind is a powerful thing and you can pretty much do anything with your thoughts. They become your actions.
For Ashley, who asked. I think of you everyday too. I know how much you loved Africa when you were here. Iapos;m enjoying every second of it and absorbing everything I see. What a wild, strange land. Iapos;m terrified and exhilarated and positively alive here. "Lust for comfort suffocates the soul," Bjork says that and itapos;s so true. I know it for myself. You have to help me when I come home because I will be so heartbroken, and I will try not to be, but I know it will happen inevitably.
Oh almost every M.I.A. Song makes ten times more sense. Like, I was passing a school the other day and little kids were learning how to say "Ba-na-na". And then in Bird Flu that rooster and hen clucking are the sounds I wake up to everyday. Itapos;s like living inside that album and it kicks ass.
love you, AD
ca pontiac vibe, clea koff exn, clea koff the bone woman, clea large scale, clea lewis.
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