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So i thought i would share this because, well, thatapos;s why i have this journal.

before i broke up with jordan, i was really trying to be a better person (especially around him). I bought tons of self-help books for me to read, book CDs to listen to on the way to school, and a workbook for me to focus on love and respect. All this arrived at my house on tuesday (the day after i broke up with Jordan).
also, i bought the new martha stewart weddings magazine last week. I scanned a few pictures and added it to my growing collection of cute wedding images on my computer. I even looked on target.com the day before monday. I saw that they had a $90 isaac mizrahi wedding dress

so i keep going through my thoughts about how monday went by. It is such a quick and drastic change to go from one end of the spectrum to the other. I am so frustrated because it only took one thing to break us up. There was ONLY one reason (and i wonapos;t say it, sorry). Before monday, i was willing to make everything work all the time. Just like any marriage should be. Til death do you part. I never thought about breaking up with Jordan once before monday. There was something about him that made me stick by him through everything we went through. I canapos;t explain it. It was something more powerful than love. Everyone has differences and disagreements, but with him it was easy for me to get through/past things compared to other people in their relationships.


itapos;s weird that iapos;m thinking this all out on here. I never really confront my feelings. So i finally am on here for you all what a treat haha iapos;m a nerd.


so my head was in another place tonight and i left all of my camera equipment in my 5pm classroom. That means i have to drive to school again tomorrow to get it from security. Iapos;ve been pretty together minus a few random moments this week. Iapos;ve been with a good friend everyday this week and everyone has been so encouraging and able to make me feel loved. I have been praying so hard for Jordanapos;s heart and for me to focus on school.

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